8.21.14

When All Trust is Gone

When Trust is Gone - Diabetes Management

Sometimes, in lieu of a cure, all diabetics want is consistency—a simple assurance that when we go to bed and our blood sugar is 130, we will wake to a number in the 100s. A hope that when we eat the same breakfast each morning, take the same insulin amount, and control all other meaningful factors, our blood sugar will react similarly day-to-day. What happens when that doesn’t happen? What happens when you eat that same breakfast you’ve always ate, take the same insulin, and your sugar is at 320?

You lose all trust. This is the helplessness. This is the ever-present feeling. You forget about this unpredictable nature for days, weeks, maybe even years—then it’s back. This is the single toughest part of diabetes management. You don’t trust your ratios, your ability to count carbs, your ability to manage your disease.

We diabetics love to troubleshoot. I’ve stayed up nights, thinking about what possibly caused my sugar’s erratic behavior. We like to assign blame to being sick, maybe even chalk it up to extra stress. Recently, in my case, it could be scar tissue. I’ve been wearing an insulin pump for the better part of 12 years. Now, my site placement options are limited. The hips/love handles won’t absorb much of any insulin. There’s not enough available tissue on the stomach. At the most, I can get two good days out of the lower back. The upper thighs deliver good results but my pants rub incessantly on the area, causing this spider bite-like sensitivity.

I’ve entered a new season in my diabetic life. Creativity is critical. I proactively treat past sites and rub out scar tissue, massaging with a hope for consistency soon. I’m pondering a switch in the type of pump site. I currently use the Sure T, from Medtronic. I’m also considering a switch back to shots temporarily, while the scar tissue dissipates, anything for a reprieve from these inconsistent numbers.

Throughout, I keep reminding myself that impermanence is life. What’s here today will not be here tomorrow. Each moment is a new moment. Change is inevitable. Trust will be restored.

If you too have experienced periods unexplained blood sugars or scar tissue, please share all lessons learned!

Former co-founder of DiabetesDailyGrind, Ryan's mission is to motivate others with diabetes to live their own authentic life. Most days, when not in the hospital during his medical residency, you can find him on the bike, surfboard, or yoga mat. He believes in the power of clean eating, and loves his Dexcom.

3 thoughts on “When All Trust is Gone

  1. Back in March Lan’s endocrinologist suggested he switch back to needles because when he works out it builds up muscle in the areas he likes to use his pump. His bs was running so high, it was crazy and he couldn’t get it under control, the doctor said his insulin wasn’t being absorbed. Whatever the reason, when he switched back to insulin pens it’s been fine…knock on wood. He’d been on the pump for several years. Thanks for sharing this info! It’s nice to know he isn’t alone with this issue.

    • Tracy, you have painted the picture of my life currently with perfection! I’ll keep you guys posted on a potential switch back to insulin. Just sent prescriptions into the pharmacy!

  2. Pingback: Walgreens Worked a Wonder | Diabetes Daily Grind

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